hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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