I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
