You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
