She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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