shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
