dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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