Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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