So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
