u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
operation harelip BJ is a go
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
