Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize