One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
