watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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