someone get that fucking seahorse.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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