Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
