tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This house was built for laser tag.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
