you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
