My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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