my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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