I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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