what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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