We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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