If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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