I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
