So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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