found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
