we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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