i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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