awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
