maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
