She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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