You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
