I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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