I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
