apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
