kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
