My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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