At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
