Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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