your room smells of hookers.
And success
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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