I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
