that's an acceptable place to lick
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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