I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
