I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
