Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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