At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
