He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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