that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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