OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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