I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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