o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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