is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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