i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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