Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
