I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
