She's JV to your varsity
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
