I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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