is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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