turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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