No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
