i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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