3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
