what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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