The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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