i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
